I have a client that I have been seeing since I was an intern. He was 4 when I met him, and he is 7 now. Let's call him Nathan. Nathan's father beat his mother to a pulp a few times. He was an infant caught in the middle of it and therefore ended up in my agency. I learned quickly in this field that these issues don't happen in a vacuum. They are an outcome of many other issues factoring into their environment landing them where they are when they arrive in my office. In Nathan's case, there is not only a maniacal father- but a mother who is suffering from PTSD and the two are fighting for custody. This has been going on longer in his life than it hasn't.
I have seen Nathan grow and change in amazing ways. When I met him, he wouldn't speak to me or even make eye contact with me. Now he races me to my office and takes the liberty of flipping the "In Session- Do Not Disturb" sign himself. On his ever-changing trajectory, one thing never alters: army toys. Different battles, changing bad guys, varying weapons, adjusted storylines, but always, always within the same framework...little green and tan army men. I have a confession: I hate playing with army toys. Even more, I feel so confused and awkward with the rules and random words he uses I have begun dreading his session.
"This guy goes here. No not there, that's water. Now shoot him. No, you're shooting the wrong direction. You missed him. Wait, I wasn't ready. You can't do that, he's made of electricity. Oh, your general just got killed- you didn't even protect him. You can have this ship. No, not that one. Just send him to medical and put him back in. Do you need reANDforcements? Are they in position? Keep shooting!!!"
Nathan is bright, talented, creative, funny and incredibly guarded. He remains so cautious of letting anyone in emotionally he has to repeatedly play out his defenses with weekly battles that take over my office. I just wish Nathan would directly share things with me. Isn't it time, yet? How can I get him to put down at least some of these weapons and allow me to see him? I get it-he is showing me a piece of his very confusing world where he is always trying to "figure out" what is next, who and how to please. Things feel awkward and constantly stressful in his life and he needs to play that out. This is his one opportunity where he is never wrong and doesn't need to work to impress. I get it. It's hard- and I know a teeny piece of how hard by the agonizing 45 minutes I spend with him each week.
That's it for now.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
i wish my fairly well loved, semi-adapted, cherish, snuggled boys would not play with pretend guns..... even a cooking spoon can be turned into a weapon or didn't i know that even if i don't actually buy toys that look like weapons, they create them anyway.
ReplyDelete