Exhaling (NOT inhaling)

There is an amazing 13yo girl that I have been seeing and has been bringing joy to my life since I met her in October of  '08.  Smart, funny, animated, emotional, sensitive, tough, sassy and a sense of herself that is so solid, it defies logic.  Our bond was instantaneous- (possibly from another life?) and her session can sometimes feel like "the girls" hanging out.  I have to catch myself from slipping from therapist to friend...it's that natural.  You should know some things about Nikki (we'll call her)- she watched her mother die from alcohol related illness at age 9 and was left in her father's custody.  About 3 years later, her father had a psychotic break and one night lost his sense of boundaries, becoming physically inappropriate with her. The morning following this incident, Nikki told her camp director, authorities were notified and she was removed from the home.  Just like that.

She has landed in the full time care of her 30-something, recovering addict, completely narcissistic half brother.  Ill-equipped to parent a teen, especially a teen with this much trauma in her past- their relationship is volatile, to say the least.  Nikki vents her frustrations about her living situation on a regular basis. She looks for a way out, she brainstorms solutions, she has even considered foster care for herself. She is starting to accept that this is how her life will be until it isn't anymore. 

Nikki is socially pretty savvy.  Her social status is very important, and if it means faking her friendship with the untrustworthy popular girl, she'll do it.  The difference with Nikki and your typical 13 yo, is that she is aware of such choices.  She discusses her social life in great detail on a regular basis.  I have been comforted by her appropriate (or what I would deem appropriate) interests as a girl in middle school. She loves fashion and hair and music and dancing....the biggest snag Nikki has shown in her behavior is fighting.  As I understand it, as a Latina, this is par for the course. In our last session: (dum-da-dum-dum)...smoking.
No, not cigarettes.
Weed.
She has several friends that do it and she verbalized her interest. Shit.Shit.Shit. 
I explored what piqued her interest, who has it, what level of interest we were talking about. We discussed safety and effects and side effects. I steered so clear of that judgmental voice in order to keep this important opening we have between us- I started to panic at the end of the session. ("wait, did i forget to mention the part about this really isn't a good idea? did i become so permissive that i have encouraged this behavior?") I threw in a really clumsy reminder about my not supporting this choice and wanting to supply info to her. "Yeah, yeah...I know", I get in return. 

This session has been taking up a lot of space in my brain and my heart.  As a girl with addiction in her family, did I present as too lax? Did I supply the right info? Should I have provided a heavier hand to divert this behavior? My true aim was to continue to provide that nonjudgmental, empathic place where our relationship has been firmly grounded. That way, if she chooses to engage...we can continue dialoguing about it. Man, I hope that's what I did....

K. That's it for now.