She is 4. She has a brand new baby brother. He was named after his father, and the man who sexually abused her. She has been questioned by more officials in her 4 years on this earth than most of us will our entire life. Oh, and she lives in a shelter. Guess what? She's pissed.
Lucy (we'll call her) is still new to treatment. Her mother has trouble getting her to the agency on time and today was the first I've seen her in about a month. Lucy is pretty much out of control. She curses wildly ("fuck that shit"), is hypersexual ("let me see if that doll has a penis"), and incredibly defiant ("I'm not cleanin that up!"). She is no easy task. Although she's angry and verbally aggressive, I've always taken solace in the fact that she doesn't show any physical aggression towards me. So much for that.
Today Lucy had so much aggression, she lost the little bit of impulse control she normally shows around me. In a session, I am typically on the floor with them or in someway physically on their level. She looked me in the eye and pulled down hard on the bangs hanging in my face. I became firm with her about touching. She moved on. When it was time to clean up, Lucy couldn't handle what must have felt like rejection and knocked me on the forehead with a spoon. Strike two. Leaving the office, I attempted to prevent her from using the water cooler (as this usually means an immediate dumping of water on the floor). Remaining in a standing position, as I learned that she was going for the face today, I got a two handed slug in the stomach. Amazing, the strength on an angry little girl.
Riding the elevator down with her was a chore and I couldn't have passed her off quicker to Mom. I hadn't a clinical thought in my head. Just anger. I guess that's what she needed. For someone to hold it for her as she overflowed.
Who signed me up for this again?
That's it for now.
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one day a pat; one day a punch.
ReplyDeleteI have a five-year-old girly... she has been in foster care since age 1.5 with the same family (whom she loves and considers her family). However for the past 3 years she has had visitation with her parents for a few hours a week (supervised by a social worker). Recently, her parents "pulled it together" (sorta) and now have all day unsupervised visits once a week. They may progress to overnights soon. The little girly is ANGRY. Much like your girl. She was trying to hurt people with scissors in school, turned over her desk in anger, beat the crap out of the dolls in the play room and even physically attacked her biological dad who she refuses to call dad and calls him by his first name.
ReplyDeleteShe is FIVE. She is in KINDERGARTEN. Her teacher taught her how to spell "dad" the other day and the girl said "I spell it P-O-P" (POP is what she calls her foster father. Dad is what she is supposed to call her bio father). She is sassy... she gets it.. and she is NOT okay. She has been pooping and peeing in her pants recently and then hiding the clothes and redressing herself in embarrassment.
I thought I would add a bloggy post that resembled yours. Hang in there. I feel so much for these kiddies.. it is too unfair. It is too much for a little one.
What a beautiful image: that she needed someone to hold the overflowing anger for her.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure that's not what you signed up for, but I hope that knowing what you provided for her, even during such a difficult session, gave you some solace.